It's been a while!

Wow! It's been a long time since I last made a post. It seems like life is just kinda flying by. So much has happened...and so much has fallen apart. Sometimes it seems like life is just blah...but sometimes life is exciting and adventurous. I'll give you some examples of things that have happened lately.

So, let's start off with my work environment. My former lead is no longer on my shift and things seem to be going easier now. The girl that replaced her isn't too bad and we get along for the most part. I seem to be leaving work in a lot better mood and have been getting along with others better! I still think people think of me as the office "bitch" but that's okay with me. It's a nice reputation to have! People tend to leave you alone when you have that reputation! The gossip doesn't seem to bother me anymore. As long as I'm not part of it, I don't really care! They finally got my computer fixed so I am able to sit at my own desk and enjoy staring at the wall and not really having to talk to anyone! I still talk to Ms. Evelyn and things between us are better. I don't mind Jessica, the new nightshift girl. She's a little know-it-all like sometimes, but whatever....people are how they are! So things aren't as bad as they have been and I like this new change. It's something that seems to make life a little easier!

Tony has entered into his 4th month of employment. He is no longer on probation! They seem to really like him and his work ethic. He's only been late twice and called in once. Not to shabby considering how sometimes life works with/for us. He hopes he's going to make lead soon which i think is a distinct possibility! He is also trying to make it so that he and I can have the same weekends off. It's hard for the two of us to have opposite weekends. It's hard when one of us really needs to sleep and the other wants or needs to get stuff done. I like to get as much done as possible on my weekends off...and that keeps him awake so he's miserable because he can't get any sleep...and it's the same with me...only Tony just sleeps way to freakin much in my opinion!

What else has been going on??? We joined the YMCA and are taking some water aerobics classes, which I love! We are also spending some time in the lap lane...swimming a 1/4 mile which makes me feel awesome! I haven't been able to do the laps the last few classes because I have to get a tooth pulled and the pain is just draining all my energy right now. I'm taking some major painkillers which seems to drain me as well. I think once things calm down with my mouth, then we will start back on laps and also start working out in the gym part of the Y!

My cousin had her bridal shower a couple of sunday's ago...it's so lovely to see people that care for her and love her. My family isn't like that anymore. It seems that since Grandpa died, my family is falling apart. Nobody really knows what it's like to live with someone with alzheimer's unless you do it. My family has made my mom's life a living hell. They have required so many different explanations for things that are really none of their business. My Grandpa would be ashamed of my family and how they act and how they treat their siblings. I just don't understand them. I don't even want anything to do with a lot of them....and that's just a shame. But you know what. I need to protect myself and look out for myself. I need to start surrounding myself with good, righteous, and courteous people...something many of my family members are NOT.

So Tony and I have started going to church again. The Bishop is such a wonderful guy. He's just been the sweetest person to us. The Missionaries came over for dinner and poor things, I didn't serve the best stuff to them. I feel really bad...hopefully they will give us another shot! I think next time, I'll make enchiladas and something fun for desert...like cherry dump cake or something like that. I made my awesome chicken, broccoli, rice casserole...but I ended up using low sodium soups and it just wasn't worth squat! And my banana pudding, yeah...we won't even talk about that! Oh, and the poor elders had to sit on my floor because we don't have a couch or any chairs yet...poor things. It just wasn't a good night for me. I promise it will be better next time guys! I swear it!

So, since the Elders knew we didn't have a couch...they found one for us...actually, it just kinda fell into their lap! Their neighbor was moving and asked them if they needed a couch and a recliner. Since they knew that we didn't have one, they called us and we are now the proud owners of a couch and a recliner. I haven't even seen them yet, so hopefully they are in decent shape!

So I have to go now...people are going to start arriving and I don't want to get into trouble! I'll have more later...i'm sure of that!

is it even worth it?

Oh my goodness...sometimes i ask myself that question a lot!! Like right now, sometimes it just doesn't seem like life it worth all of the drama that's been handed to us. I don't know how we are going to be able to get passed this drama at the moment. It's something that I have to sit and ponder and figure out. I know that the scriptures say that the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle...but sometimes, I don't think that I'm as strong as He thinks I am.

So here's the situation: Tony has two kids from his previous marriage that I have met like once in the 5 1/2 years that we have been married. We pay $625 a month for two children that we NEVER see. It's soo frustrating. We would love to be able to spend time with them and to enjoy them. We would love to foster a relationship. I strongly believe that a child needs to have both parents in their lives. I know what it's like to be a child of divorced parents...it completely sucks. I hated it as a child, and I can only imagine that they don't necessarily like it either. Here's the sad thing...Tony's youngest, Zachary, doesn't even know his dad. See...Tony has to have monitored visitation...i can't think of the right word at the moment. That makes it difficult when you have a nasty divorce situation. So, if he wants to see his kids, either his ex-wife or her parents have to be there. It would be so nice to be able to spend some quality time with these kids...anyway, here's what's going on now...In the divorce decree, Tony is responsible to pay for their health insurance...well, they are on their mother's insurance so we haven't been paying for it...mainly because Tony hasn't had it because he has the VA...anyway, Tony got to see his paycheck today and it was like a hundred dollars short....Barnes received a letter from the Court system saying that it's mandated that they take the insurance out of his check...so the good thing here, is that Tony has health insurance now...the bad thing, we can't afford to survive now. Oh, we can pay rent and the car payment out of my check but that's pretty much my entire check right there. The measly $200 from Tony's check is going to have to cover everything else. So there goes any fun money out the door. We were going to join the YMCA so that we can get back into shape but that seems to now go out the door. We were going to do a lot of things to the apartment to make it how we want it...but that is no longer going to happen. I don't understand how this is happening to us...I don't understand WHY it's happening to us. We are trying to get our lives back in order and everything is falling apart again. Just when things were looking up, something slaps us back down. I'm trying not to be all depressed about it and trying to make something cheerful happen...but it just seems like everything comes crashing at once.

I know this isn't a cheerful happy entry...and i can't seem to always make them that way, but it's something that I needed to get off my chest...so if you are still reading, bless you! Thanks for reading about my horrible day. Right now, all I want to do is go home and sleep and not deal with the world right now...but instead I am stuck here at work, wishing i could just be asleep. Ok, so I'm going to go look at cookbooks now...maybe find some awesome recipes to try! Have a great week everyone!

A moment to pause and think

My heart is so full of gratitude to our soldiers today. With it being Memorial Day, I always take a moment and pause and think of the soldiers that have fought for my freedom. There's a song that I love to listen to by Billy Ray Cyrus from long ago called "Some Gave All." I don't know if you have ever heard it but it's something that will make you stop and think about all the loved ones that have been lost in conflicts. There are so many songs out there that are dedicated to our soldiers and our country. But "Some Gave All" is the one that always stands out to me. Here's the lyrics to this song that just says exactly how I feel today:

I knew a man called him Sandy Kane
Few folks even knew his name
But a hero was he
Left a boy, came back a man
Still many just don't understand
About the reasons we are free

I can't forget the look in his eyes
Or the tears he cries
As he said these words to me

All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all

Now Sandy Kane is no longer here
But his words are oh so clear
As they echo through out our land
For all his friends who gave us all
Who stood the ground and took the fall
To help their fellow man

Love your country and live with pride
And don't forget those who died
America can't you see

All gave some and some gave all
And some stood through for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all

And if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall, yes recall
Some gave all

Some gave all

I am absolutly honored to be married to someone who has served our country and has faced things that I will never even imagine. Some say that those who serve never quit serving. I agree. Not only because my loving husband suffers from Bipolar Disorder because of what he saw while in Desert Storm, but because he has to live with the memories of what he saw. I am really grateful for all that the soldiers have done for my freedom and their help to maintain it.

I follow this blog of a lady whom I consider a friend. I have never met her nor actually spoken to her but she seems to be this amazing person who has such an amazing family. Her husband is in the military and is coming home from his sixth deployment in a couple of weeks. Today she posted a beautiful blog post that I would love to share. The pics are just beautiful and the sentiment is just fantastic. So I will end with a link to send you to her blog. Check it out...it really will make you grateful for the soldiers...and it brought a tear to my eye! All you have to do is click here!

Hope you all had a great Memorial Day! I did!

It's been a while!

Wow!!! I can't believe it's been almost an entire month since I last blogged...Life has just been totally chaotic! And I'm loving every minute of it! We finally moved to our own place. We are in heaven...now if only we can just get everything organized and unpacked...we would be in a fabulous spot! We love our apartment. It's so fabulous and just perfect for us. The girls can be out more and the cats have more room to play...especially when the dogs are in their kennel for the night! We have our own kitchen!!! We don't have to eat out as much...that's soo nice! It's just a cute little place on the Hill in St. Louis! It's so nice and peaceful...you wouldn't even know we were in the City. That's how fabulous it is! So close to awesome restaurants and neat stores. We went to Vivano's today to get some spices that we didn't have anymore. It's such a neat lil Italian market. We picked up some noodles and our spices and went on home! We stopped at Volpi too to pick up some Salsiccia links to have for memorial day. It was so funny today. We were parking the car to go to Volpi and there was these random things attached to someone's fence...I said to tony "is this a shop or a garage sale?" It was a garage sale!!! It was so funny!! I wish i thought to take a picture! Totally awesome!! Oh, that reminds me...when we were going through some boxes we moved from OK we found the camera. I'm almost sure if it had been packed in our stuff that was at our friend's apartment, it would have been gone. Such a shame...to think we trusted him...but I digress! So excited to finally have a camera..now if only we can find the memory cards, we will be in great shape!

What else is going on?? Oh yeah...I have been able to get in on some overtime this month...thank goodness, we really need it!!! It's going to be interesting to see if we can really survive out here on our own. We have been sheltered so much living with our parents that it's kinda scary to be on our own. We need so many things to make this place livable and we need to fix some of the things that are in the place...our ceiling fan went out today...that doesn't make me happy!

It's nice being able to reconnect with Tony as a couple on our own...not as a couple in our parents basement! We can make our own decisions and suffer the consequences ourselves without having anyone say "See...i told you so!" We get to say that to ourselves...LOL!

So I am reading this new book series and I actually kind of like them. I have a hard time finding books that interest me that I haven't already read. But these are pretty good. I still think I like the Twilight series better, but what can you say...it seems like once your read one vampire series, you've read them all! But this one is interesting..It's called Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead! It's a series of 5 different books. I'm on book number 3 at the moment and just started them on Monday! They are actually not to bad. I recommend them for some light reading if you can't find anything else to read!

The first book is called "Vampire Academy":

The second book is called "Frostbite":

The third one is called "Shadow Kissed":

When I get to the other books, I'll post their pics! These aren't bad...you should give them a shot if you like vampire books. Again, I really am a Twilight fan and like those better but these are not to shabby!!

I guess that's all for now...not much else going on. More to come i'm sure! Have a great Memorial Day weekend!

What a dramatic week!

Sometimes it seems like life is just so darn hard and difficult. It can get crazy and chaotic and sometimes just seems like too much. This was one of those weeks. Everything that could go wrong did and everything that needed to go right didn't. Ugh...but next week is a new week and hopefully things will be better. They almost have to get better because I don't think that it can get much worse!

So what's been going on?? Let's see...my checking account got screwed up again...not my fault! We are working with the loan company that we have our car note through...they took out the automatic payment when we told them not to...uumm...what else has happened...oh, remember in my last post HR called me to fill out an application. Well I did that and never heard back until the other day when I checked my e-mail and got my rejection letter...You know, I wouldn't have even filled out the application unless they told me to. So frustrating because I really want a change in job positions. I almost lost my wedding ring...it's loose and it fell off my finger. I was heartbroken and devastated but I did finally find it and it's back on my finger where it belongs. I'm trying to remember all that happened this week but it's not coming back to me.

I did have an opportunity for some overtime at work this week. That makes me happy. I really needed the money so I was glad to pick up some OT....but working 7 nights straight is not easy at all! I am so freakin tired! But I will make it through! I'm sure of it! I'm on night 6 tonight...one more day and I get a day off!!! I can't wait! Anyway, we shall see what the next week brings...yikes!

Another blog entry

So I don't usually get to blog two days in a row...especially when I have to work but my parents have saved the day! They have the internet now!!! That could be either bad or good...we shall see!

So today has been a pretty awesome day. My husband and I went to breakfast this morning at Uncle Bill's pancake house and was treated like crap...but whatever. Our waitress was horrible....she was hardly ever there. I didn't get a refill and i asked for the non-smoking section and got stuck right next to the smokers...made no sense to me either! We decided after that that we won't be going back there on the weekends anymore. Fabulous during the week but horrible! on the weekend.

We had a great rest of the morning...checking out some things at Slackers CDs and Games. We then came home and Tony has crashed!! He's so tired...not that I blame him...I am too! But I am off tonight and plan on sleeping all night long and not waking up until I have to! I do think that we are going to go to church this week. I found a skillet at walmart for $6!!! Love it! And my life is pretty boring today. No fabulous drama or anything of entertainment values...but hey, what can I say. It's nice to have a break!

Hope you are having a great day too!

What a week!

Wow....this week has been interesting....I can't believe some of the crap that we have been through...let me take you through our week!

Monday:

So this day wasn't bad at all...I worked over the weekend so I was ready for a day off. I went to get my hair cut and colored. I was so excited to finally get my hair done!!! So I went to Current Trends...where I normally go...and had asked for the same girl that I had before. Well, they apparently had a massive brain fart and gave me to someone else. I was NOT a happy girl but really...she couldn't screw up my hair that bad right...WRONG!!! My hair was down to my shoulders...it is now almost to my scalp. It is soo freakin short! And not only that...they dyed my hair the wrong shade of red....it's almost pink. I am not a happy girl...I will NEVER go back to that girl again....they will give my Amanda next time!

Tuesday:

Was this the day that I got my ticket?? I think it was...yes...so I was on my way to get my mom from work when I passed a St. Peters police officer and just knew that I was going to get a ticket...okay...why a ticket you ask...let me tell you...Tony and I bought a car in June of last year...we love our car but have been unable to save money for the taxes and plates...it's just over $1200. We thought that they put the taxes in with the sale of the car but they didn't...so here we are almost a year later and still no plates on the car. So anyway, every time we get ready to get the plates, a ticket comes due and there goes some of the money for the plates...so frustrating. So this cop pulls me over. Before he even gets to the car, I have my license and insurance card available. He's all "I guess you know why I pulled you over?" I'm thinking "Uh..DUH!!!" So he asks about the lack of plates...I explain to him what is going on and he proceeds to give me a ticket...blah blah blah...whatever! I'm so freakin used to this by now, I don't even hesitate to pull over. I just do it with my license and insurance card in hand!

Wednesday: I don't remember this day much so it must not have been so bad!

Thurday: Oh boy...this day sucks! So I went to QT in the morning to get milk and donuts because we got a pretty awesome paycheck a couple of weeks ago and we should still have money in the account! Totally excited...we made it another 2 weeks...lets celebrate! So i go to pay for my stuff and my card is declined....WTH???? So I wrote a check and then went home to check the account...my stupid dumb bank has been screwing with my account and now my account is like $-400....WHAT?? We still haven't gotten it all fixed....so anyway, my hubby and I go to the library and pull up the account...there are 10 overdraft fees...fees that we shouldn't have had to pay!!!!! There was still money in the account when they were pulling out overdraft fees....so freakin mad my this point...it seemed like all our hopes and dreams were going to be dashed! But I think we can make it through this latest storm. Anyway, we got pulled over twice this day only to warnings, not tickets because we still had the ticket from the previous pullover! Ugh!

Friday: I spent the morning at the VA hospital while Tony's kidney decided to produce a stone...poor guy...i came out of my office thinking my husband and I were going to go and have a great breakfast and go home and just enjoy each other's company and sleep all day...NOT!!! That would be to fabulous....anyway, so he looks like death when i come outside to the car...he's pale as a white sheet and just looks horrible...his skin was clammy and it just wasn't good. I didn't hesitate to go to the VA...and I HATE the VA. So while we were there, I was being hit on by this big big big massive guy...I was like totally freaking out...there was a VA cop that finally told the guy to leave me alone. I then proceeded to find my husband and I didn't leave his side the rest of the visit. I was freakin out! They do a CT scan and everything...the kidney stone had passed and we were good to go...pick up his script and to bed we could go...they were going to seriously take 45 minutes to fill his script...I don't think so. By the time we got home, we had been up for almost 24 hours. We were completely exhausted. I think i fell asleep so heavily that I didn't move from one position! I woke up and my arm was stiff.

Anyway, so glad this week is behind us. I am ready to start my weekend and just veg. We were going to move this weekend...but we are going to postpone it for a week so Tony can get better. I'm sure this next week will bring more drama...it always seems like when it rains it pours. Oh, but before I go...I did have 1 good thing happen this week! I got a phone call from HR saying that I needed to go and fill out an application for a lab tech position. They had spoken with another person that I had interviewed with, and she recommended me for this other position. I am totally excited. We shall see what happens! Please keep us in your prayers!!