Wow! I can't believe that thanksgiving was here and now it's gone...hard to believe that we survived another day. Today has been extremely hard. While grandpa is still alive, he's pretty much been sedated all day and it's been tough. I had my first thanksgiving without him. I know he's still alive but it was like he wasn't there. All of the kids are here now...every aunt and uncle...what a marvolous family reunion but under such tough conditions. It's been a rough day emotionally for all of us. We don't expect him to make it the night...my mom is taking the night watch to make sure everything is okay...there's a plan set in motion but it's still hard...grandma has come to the reality that grandpa is dying and it's been really hard...she's cried twice today and that just makes it all that much harder for me...being so sensitive and all. Since my family is sooo blasted musical, there was much singing today in the house...kinda livened things up a bit but it was still tough...they would sing songs that would bring back some childhood memory about a time spent with grandpa and i'd start crying all over again...i think i cried like 6 times today...my goal is to be strong for my mama but it's hard to see her cry. Grandpa was always invincible...i never really thought that it would come to this....it's been hard and i almost wish that he would just let go...as mean as that sounds...i think it would be best. I love him more than I even knew....i realized that almost all of the good memories taht I have from my life have included him. Oh, and my husband has been completely amazing through it all...i don't know how many times i've cried on his shoulders about this and he's completely amazing! don't tell him...it might go to his head!!! even though he's sitting right next to me!
On to brighter stuff....i'm getting ready to get to meet my scrappal!!! I'm sooo excited!!! It's going to be soo much fun...I swear that we were separated at birth...we have soo much in common and it's just soo freakin awesome! Mom and I escaped yesterday and went to an Archiver's class and then we went shopping...okay, so she spent more than me even though I paid for half of her stuff...but I did owe her money..in fact, i still might but sssshhhh...don't tell her! No, I think we are pretty much even! She's such an amazing woman...I can't wait to do a scrap page of nothing but my mama and how she is my hero! Jamie can't wait to meet her...she thinks that she sounds totally awesome and believe me when i say that my mama is the best! I absolutely adore her!! I can't believe how amazing she is and how strong she is...she's a real trooper! Anyway, i think it's almost 130 in the morning and it's been a long day as it is! I believe that I'm going to say goodnight...hopefully i'll be able to get on the internet tomorrow...i don't think tony's going to have a problem with calling in for the weekend...i don't think that WalMart is going to throw a fit because of grandpa so i think we may be covered there! So it's off to bed! Good night!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Just another day in Paradise!
Okay, so i promise not to be to depressing today!! I do have some good news so i'll share that first! TODAY IS MY LAST DAY AT EDS!!! For those of you who know me, you know that this day isn't coming soon enough! I have never been sooo blasted excited about it in my life. I'm sooo sick and tired of this place...It's the worst place to work at. Here's the deal for those of you who don't know! I work(ed) for EDS for almost a year and a half. I am actually a Kelly Services contractor who was supposed to get hired on at 6 months....when I interviewed with Kelly they asked me if I could go 6 months without health insurance because they wanted to make sure that I could handle that. I told them that was probably as long as I could go without it because i get sick pretty easily...especially since my blood sugars would be through the rough for that long...this place would literally be the death of me....ooops...that was depressing! Anyway, I said that wasn't a problem and was excited to get hired on....well, it never happened.. Anyway, I wanted to go home for thanksgiving and Christmas because, 1. grandpa is sick. 2. my neice has cancer. 3. i hadn't been home in almost 8 months and i just wanted to get to STL before i lost my mind! Some would say too late but bite me!!! So my boss told me that if i could trade with someone then I could go home but how many people do you know would be willing to work the weekend after the holidays...let alone the weekend in general! Well, nobody would trade with me so i decided that this was the push to get me outta here...I've wanted to quit for a while but was just to darn lazy to do anything about it! So here i am, getting ready to get out! it's about darn time!!! I'm soo excited! My boss is being a nice guy about it all too and wishing me luck with my new job...i think there's going to be a big party held in my abscence! How rude! I know a lot of people don't like me here and i really don't care...because i probably can't stand them either.
Oh and more good news! I get to home in 2 days! I got to talk to my grandpa today...He seems to be in great spirits. He just loves having all of his girls home and loves this being pampered by his girls....soooo...we shall see what's going on! Hope all is okay!
Well, i'm out for the day! I probably won't be able to post more until i get home. More like on Wednesday! I'll let you know how things are going!
Oh and more good news! I get to home in 2 days! I got to talk to my grandpa today...He seems to be in great spirits. He just loves having all of his girls home and loves this being pampered by his girls....soooo...we shall see what's going on! Hope all is okay!
Well, i'm out for the day! I probably won't be able to post more until i get home. More like on Wednesday! I'll let you know how things are going!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Look! I blogged!!
Okay so I'm totally going to try and keep up with this blog...I'm not very good and I don't have access to the internet all the time but I'm sure going to try. Don't hate me if it sucks! I told ya, I'm new at this!
Okay so life really sucks right now. My grandpa isn't doing well. I'm trying to stay strong and not give in to tears on a daily basis but it's been hard. I'm a major scrapaholic so I think I'm going to do a LO that's just all about him and what he means to me...i'm gonna try and get that done without to many tears. I was listening to the radio the other day and almost had to pull over because the song, "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney came on and I just lost it. So much stress right now and I was just completely overwhelmed, I guess you could say. I get to go home for the holidays and spend some time with him so I'm a happy camper...I just hope he's still strong enough to see me and to talk to me. Parkinson's disease is such a terrible disease. I just can't believe one day the person is strong and then the next they are just so weak and can't fend for themselves anymore. It's just wrong and horrible.
He's done so much for me in such a short period of time. I can honestly say that my grandpa is one of my heroes. He is such a sweet man. I try and talk to him on a daily basis but today all he seems to be able to do is sleep. i know he's just got to be exhausted. His doctor recommended hospice to help take care of him. He has a male NA come in three times a week to assist with baths and things like that. The hospice nurse comes in a couple of times a week to check up on him...mom calls her often i think! Grandpa can't take his meds anymore and things have just gotten worse...Hopefully things will go quickly...just not before i get there! I can't wait to go home...it's going to be interesting. All my aunts are coming into town...Aunt Amy is there now..she's from Buffalo, NY...and i think Aunt Peggy and Aunt Christine are getting there later this afternoon. and Aunt Penny will get there late tonight. The only person that will be missing is Uncle Terry but I don't think he's going to stay away much longer.
The longer this goes on the worse things are getting. My grandpa finally woke up for the day...here it is 2:15 in the afternoon. Well, at least he woke up right??? I hope he doesn't suffer much...but he can't swallow his pills anymore...this is a new thing so they have to either crush them or give him liquid tylenol that's thickened and someone spoons it in his mouth...oh my goodness, this is hard! I just keep remembering this big man who took care of his family to his best ability...now it's up to his family to take care of him....i'm so not ready to let go yet.
We are going to have some major fun when i get home though...after thanksgiving is over, we are going to decorate the house both inside and out! All of the girls are going to decorate the inside, while the men decorate the outside. Mom said that if I was going to give them anything for Christmas that I better bring it now so that Grandpa can enjoy it. I made a really neat canvas for them...I know he's just going to love it! It will look awesome in their room. The right colors and everything! Just hope it doesn't blend into the wall. Oh, I promise to take a ton of pics and post them here when i get a chance...I don't know if I will take pics of grandpa but there might be a few. I don't want to remember him this way.
Anyway, I guess i'll go for now...i'm at work....my second to last day! sooo excited! I will definitely keep you informed as to my new job...should be totally entertaining...just hope i can handle the stupidity of teenagers in a fast food joint! Wish me luck!
Oh, and i promise that next time i blog, i won't be so blasted depressing...it's just hard....oh, except if grandpa dies...that will be really sad.
Okay so life really sucks right now. My grandpa isn't doing well. I'm trying to stay strong and not give in to tears on a daily basis but it's been hard. I'm a major scrapaholic so I think I'm going to do a LO that's just all about him and what he means to me...i'm gonna try and get that done without to many tears. I was listening to the radio the other day and almost had to pull over because the song, "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney came on and I just lost it. So much stress right now and I was just completely overwhelmed, I guess you could say. I get to go home for the holidays and spend some time with him so I'm a happy camper...I just hope he's still strong enough to see me and to talk to me. Parkinson's disease is such a terrible disease. I just can't believe one day the person is strong and then the next they are just so weak and can't fend for themselves anymore. It's just wrong and horrible.
He's done so much for me in such a short period of time. I can honestly say that my grandpa is one of my heroes. He is such a sweet man. I try and talk to him on a daily basis but today all he seems to be able to do is sleep. i know he's just got to be exhausted. His doctor recommended hospice to help take care of him. He has a male NA come in three times a week to assist with baths and things like that. The hospice nurse comes in a couple of times a week to check up on him...mom calls her often i think! Grandpa can't take his meds anymore and things have just gotten worse...Hopefully things will go quickly...just not before i get there! I can't wait to go home...it's going to be interesting. All my aunts are coming into town...Aunt Amy is there now..she's from Buffalo, NY...and i think Aunt Peggy and Aunt Christine are getting there later this afternoon. and Aunt Penny will get there late tonight. The only person that will be missing is Uncle Terry but I don't think he's going to stay away much longer.
The longer this goes on the worse things are getting. My grandpa finally woke up for the day...here it is 2:15 in the afternoon. Well, at least he woke up right??? I hope he doesn't suffer much...but he can't swallow his pills anymore...this is a new thing so they have to either crush them or give him liquid tylenol that's thickened and someone spoons it in his mouth...oh my goodness, this is hard! I just keep remembering this big man who took care of his family to his best ability...now it's up to his family to take care of him....i'm so not ready to let go yet.
We are going to have some major fun when i get home though...after thanksgiving is over, we are going to decorate the house both inside and out! All of the girls are going to decorate the inside, while the men decorate the outside. Mom said that if I was going to give them anything for Christmas that I better bring it now so that Grandpa can enjoy it. I made a really neat canvas for them...I know he's just going to love it! It will look awesome in their room. The right colors and everything! Just hope it doesn't blend into the wall. Oh, I promise to take a ton of pics and post them here when i get a chance...I don't know if I will take pics of grandpa but there might be a few. I don't want to remember him this way.
Anyway, I guess i'll go for now...i'm at work....my second to last day! sooo excited! I will definitely keep you informed as to my new job...should be totally entertaining...just hope i can handle the stupidity of teenagers in a fast food joint! Wish me luck!
Oh, and i promise that next time i blog, i won't be so blasted depressing...it's just hard....oh, except if grandpa dies...that will be really sad.
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