My Biggest Fear

So I was watching reruns of "Grey's Anatomy" today and it got me thinking about my life and my biggest fears. I never really knew that I had a really big fear. Most people are afraid of dying but I'm not. I know where I'm going...maybe not which level of the celesitial kingdom...but I know that at least I will be able to see my family again. I'm not scared of that...my biggest fear is cancer. That's my biggest fear. I don't know why I have the unrational fear of the disease. Maybe it's the pain that is associated with it. I saw what my neice went through. I work in a hospital so I see and hear things about the disease that just scare the crap out of me. I have a ton of health problems now that can easily take over and debilitate me...I don't want it to happen but if it does, I know it's my own fault for not taking care of myself the way I should...but cancer...to me that's different. You can only do so much. It's like a monster that has it's own mind and thought pattern. Maybe I'm just being retarded and thinking about my mortality because today is my birthday but I really am worried about it. I don't want to die a painful death with a monster inside me that won't go away. That slowly takes over and consumes me.

I don't mean to be dramatic or stupid...but it's something that I think about occasionally....something that I occasionally worry about...and it's been on my mind today. So I will now leave you with something else to think about. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! I had a great day today...granted....I did sleep most of the day but it was uninterupted sleep and it was beautiful. I only woke up because my lil kitten, Amelia, was trying to fluff me. Aren't I fluffy enough??? LOL!! But anyway, I may have some interesting stories after this weekend! Stay tuned!!!